Hello teacher, I have a question. Well, I am a mother of two children, the oldest is a boy of 14 and the second is a boy of almost five. A little over two years ago, my oldest, who was in primary school at the time, got into a so-called vegetable farm middle school.
- At that time, my frustration was very strong, I could not go out for a while, you let the people of the vegetable farm high school hear this paragraph, how embarrassing?
- Can’t he start a business in the future?
- Think about how distant you’ve become from your mom and dad.
How parents should face the conflict between two children
At that time, my frustration was very strong, I could not go out for a while, you let the people of the vegetable farm high school hear this paragraph, how embarrassing?
I may really have a little bit with that type of high school education inside. At that time, I paid special attention to the oldest’s study, and then the oldest was completely handed over to the nanny, that time the oldest is to develop a character, is to listen to him in all things, no one can oppose him.
He brought this philosophy to school and felt that this problem was quite serious, so I quickly adjusted myself and I focused on the second child. After that, the oldest went to a residential school. After coming back, I felt very much with the oldest.
I feel very distant. He is also 14 years old and has reached puberty. So my question is, how do you deal with the relationship between two children in a family with two children? I only have one child, but I grew up in a family with two children, my sister and I.
First of all, I learned from them. First of all, one thing I learned from them is not to be as nervous as you are. You’re probably too uptight. You’re worried and you think all day long that this is going to go wrong, that’s going to go wrong, right?
In reality, you have to trust the life force of your child. Your child likes to be self-centered and likes everyone to listen to him, so maybe he has a strong leadership ability. Maybe he has a bunch of kids around him who are willing to follow him.
Can’t he start a business in the future?
Right? You can not relax a little? Go do some maintenance, learn to draw, start a business, do something to make your life more exciting?The child will naturally become better, you are watching him all day long, thinking that something is wrong here, something is wrong there.
You will make the child live a life of guilt, I myself am guilty. Yes, the child is also very guilty, because the child feels that if the mother is not happy, he is not happy either.
Children especially want their parents to be happy, you know? I remember when I was a kid, the best time for our family was when we were all happy. This time will form a very deep memory in the minds of children, think that the picture is really good.
But if the child grows up and says my mother is guilty all day, she will feel that she caused it. Even if the child doesn’t admit it, in his heart he will feel that he caused it. So this guilt you feel will put a very big burden on him.
Can’t you just live a little bit more heartlessly? Right? And it’s normal for your 14 year old to become more and more distant from you. It will only get more distant in the future, because he has grown up.
Think about how distant you’ve become from your mom and dad.
Right? When he grows up, he, his focus must leave from parents to school. And then it’s more important to hand over with partners, hand over with full force from parents to partners, and will come to society to become someone else, so you have to learn to withdraw gracefully.
Gracefully withdraw from your children’s lives, and then go live your own life, because your two children are grown up, and you have to live for decades afterwards. Are you going to have another one?
Right? Everyone has to have a child for me to live, right? The kids go to school, leave, and then. Become an empty nester.
Then you find a new rhythm and a new life, so that’s the core of your problem. Right? Read books to light up your life.