I have this question about my family. My parents have always had arguments and even big fights from the time I was very young, with a little shadow.
Throughout my childhood I have lived in the shadow of my parents’ fights
Then until now, also they are both over 50, I think.
That’s how it is to this day, and then I just don’t know how to deal with this, do you, do you still live with them? Now I don’t know together, but well, when the New Year’s Eve is definitely the time for family reunion.
Just see other people’s family happy together, and then our family is often a quarrel, two people quarrel for life is not tired. Always quarrel, not quarrel, but also fight fight that, which comes so long motivation it?
How can life be so passionate about it? It is two people’s personalities are completely different, to me and a person to fight 20 years long ago not to fight. Tired are exhausted, right? On the combined stop 20 years 30 years right ah.
So it means that the two of them have a very strong mutual motivation to be together. Ah, if they did not have this very strong motivation to be together, they would have separated a long time ago. So you should be happy that you have parents who love each other so much. Uh, why is this important here?
There is a very important principle that children should not get involved in their parents’ love life. Just if you get involved, it will mess them up more and more, they will. The more you look for fatherly and motherly love in you, the more they feel that someone is in charge of us.
Then they both fight, in fact, there is a need to come out to mediate. You need a father like role, don’t fight, don’t fight, be honest, the oldest is not young to quarrel what right? You play the role of parents, they will naturally play the role of children. Then they both will make more noise.
Uh, just consume you more and more serious. So you have to be able to learn that it’s okay for you to stay out of it while they’re fighting. I’m doing that now, but it’s important to note. I can’t get past my own heart is every time he comes and argues again.
It’s just a matter of going back to that.
So small me, yes, that moment is tightly open one. To die just like that, but I will try not to show it. We have a special book that addresses this issue, called It’s Not Your Fault. They both like to fight, it’s not your fault.
The reason why a child is so nervous is because all children have a capacity for self-attribution, and when he sees his parents fighting, he doesn’t think it’s okay with him.
He’ll think it’s about him, that they’re fighting because I’m misbehaving, and no one will talk to him about it, so he’ll put all this pressure on himself. Then you have to tell the you of your childhood, you can imagine the you of your childhood and travel back and tell him that it’s not your fault, it’s the two of them who can’t handle relationships.
As a result, you have grown up, you now have the ability, the ability to love yourself. You are now capable of taking care of the people around you and I will treat my son better. That new family that I’ve created will be more important than this family of origin that I have, so a book called Family of Origin and a book called It’s Not Your Fault.
I think both might help you in this matter, so let them slowly reduce the drive to fight with each other. It’s your responsibility, so if he tells you about it later, just listen. Ah, the line didn’t respond to hang because because you, you can’t comment. You have to put you be nice to my mom, how am I not nice to your mom? Here he goes again.
You say a word, he has a lot of words to follow, because he has the desire to talk well? He wants you to be the audience? You want you to be able to listen, right? Even the ancient Chinese Confucius, they say this is Confucius said Shun’s father stole something, what about Shun?
What about the army of the country when Shun?
His father stole something. At this time you say you should not control your father? The answer of the empty son is that he will not control.
Then Shun will run away behind his dad’s back. Just run away, because dad’s business is dad’s business and you can’t get involved. You can’t twist over things to reason with your dad and say dad you let steal things inappropriate ah.
You you don’t keep thinking about correcting him to his parents as a parent. It will make the order of the family becomes very chaotic, they will be overly dependent on you, and then you will not feel the father’s love, you will feel that there are two two homes to take care of.
And have to take care of the upper side of this family, and have to take care of the lower side of this family, and then you will be tired and feel that life table no sound to go right. So. Go home and soothe the childhood you, thank you. Read a book to brighten up your life.